The Intelligent Christian
Counseling Tips
I would not be fair if I were to suggest any Christian counselor was a good counselor. The truth is that Christian counseling is fragmented and, for all the claiming that a counseling organization or an individual counselor was biblically or academically sound, it is my view that Christian counseling has a very long way to go. If we are to try to implement scripture in our counseling then we need to avoid the pragmatism trap. That is, we should not automatically say that if counseling works then its theory is sound. While sound theory and professional conduct in counseling may combine to help a situation there are other factors that may do the same. These are more in the placebo category and include the counselee's belief in the counselor and/or an expectation that the counseling will work. The latter is common with either 'flavor of the month' methods or association with a big name personality.
Which brings us to the question of what it means for counseling to work. I would hope Christians have progressed beyond Skinner in counseling method, although in some Christian schools Skinner may be alive and well but that is a topic for another page. We suggest a Christian is mentally and emotionally healthy when they have a proper understanding of biblical Christianity and are able to think and behave biblically as individuals in a Christian community. The issue of Christian community is addressed under pastoral care and is not an issue to be underestimated, particularly in the western world where Christianity has largely accommodated itself to individualistic capitalism and perceived national interest - got a flag in your church?
For both counselors and people receiving counseling there are a few points worth keeping in mind. These points are not always addressed.
- Is there any brain damage in the person being counseled?
I have seen instances where the patient gets blamed when counseling
doesn't work. Brain damage is far more prevalent than we
might realize. Sports like boxing deliberately inflict brain
damage. High school sports (particularly in North America)
can produce brain damage. It has been estimated that a
significant number of North American high school football players
may have some brain damage - some suggest as high as 40%. Also
wrestlers and girls playing soccer. Concussions
suffered by professional football players are now being looked at
although so far no one is studying aging retired players.
Child abuse, childhood injuries (including mild concussion from being hit as a part of 'discipline' as well as partial asphyxiation from abusive parents), spousal abuse, automobile crashes (not accidents because automobile crashes are all preventable), occupational injuries, drunken fighting, criminal attacks or just plain falling down can produce brain damage. Brain damage often produces behavioral changes and these have to be taken into account by competent counselors.
- Is there a history of drug use? In most North American cities we are now seeing a substantial number of middle aged drug users and former drug users. Many of these have taken a drug ride and are not coming back. How do we counsel these people? When they become Christians how can they be integrated into the church? When former drug users and non-drug users want to marry, what do we do - is there really a chance for a successful marriage or will the straight partner be suborned? Many is the marriage between Christians where the straight partner is subjected to psychological abuse.
- In all counseling, but particularly in marriage counseling, what is the ideological commitment of the counselor with respect to male/female roles and relationships? Here especially there is a parting of the ways. If the counselor believes that men are dominant and women are subservient (and that sadly includes the majority of Christian counselors, either explicitly stated or implicit through church structure) then women can not expect to be 'counseled' properly. Men too will be given guidance leading to a non-biblical marriage relationship that cannot ultimately be satisfying. The best route for marriage counseling is to start with Christians for Biblical Equality (whose link is on our Links page). However, egalitarian counseling is still fairly new and therefore undeveloped. As with the old 'buyer beware' advice of days gone by, it is in the counselee's best interest to determine the ideological commitment of the prospective counselor.
- Who else is counseling? This is usually overlooked and that can delay progress significantly. Some counselee's shop around looking for a counselor who will tell them what they want to hear. For competent Christian counselors particularly, it is worth asking the simple question: 'Are you seeing any other counselors?'
For a starting list of counselors who subscribe to biblical equality, go the the CBE website:
Jesus is Lord
'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.'